Values present under the tree

As I look back on my past Dear Geezer efforts, I see very few that happened in the few days before Christmas. So please allow me a few moments to consider how aging children (like many of us) might approach this holiday.

With aging comes much more than the “innocence of a child.” One of the root meanings of the word “innocent” is “unwounded.” We are not innocent, are we! Because of our own unique life experiences in however many years we’ve lived, we have real wounds.

Some are self-inflicted, to be sure. Others occur because of “whatever” other causes have happened. For the moment, I invite you only visit some of your wounds — don’t live there, don’t stay there. Consider instead what values you have discovered as a result of those wounds.

I further suggest you use your imagination to wrap those values as presents and put them “under the Christmas tree.” I don’t mean this literally. Then again, it might be a helpful ritual for you to consider.

Have you ever intentionally listed out the values that guide your life? Some of them won’t be a big surprise. Some might be. If you’re game, write some of those guiding values.

Please make these values positive. That way, if you begin to think about the feelings you might experience in this season, like fear, anxiety, anger, isolation, etc., you may have some positive values to back you up. What might they remind you of in those moments you are lowest?

I know you may not be someone who goes to church, or even “believes in church.” But you do have healthy values that, at least some times in your life, have served you well. Values are person-centered and community-centered. They shouldn’t be restricted by church affiliation.

I say this, as many of you already know, as a retired United Methodist pastor. Who we are as persons is always more important than roles we might play as a church member, or a “believer” in some faith tradition. Those things are very important to some.

But those roles can too easily divided us into “tribes.” Being persons first, human beings with values, can knock down those divisions between us. Still, I mention “church” because more and more I notice there are churches in our communities that offer a “Blue Christmas” service.

Usually held before Christmas, they recognize that for many people, a holiday like Christmas is an emotional challenge for persons not able to be with family (or even friends). Their wounds hurt more in this time when we expect ourselves to be cheerful.

So how can your deeper values remind you that your wounds need not define who you are? How can you embrace the healthy values that guide you to smile when you can, but also to cry when you need to?

Whatever you do in a given moment, please hold your values as a present for yourself, and for others. You are so much more than your feelings. Your values remind you of your dignity, of your living worth.

A quick reminder for those who participate in the Geezer Forum, whether on occasion or regularly. There is NO Geezer Forum next Tuesday, Dec. 27. The next forum will be on Jan. 10, 2017.

Paul Graves, M.Div., is Lead Geezer-in-Training for Elder Advocates, a consulting ministry on aging issues. He can be reached at 208-610-4971 or ederadvocates@nctv.com.