Handle sticker weeds with pair of kid gloves

Let’s visit about the Canada thistles in my yard — and likely yours! But first, let me assure you I’ve not taken over Valle Novak’s informative gardening articles. She does that just fine all by herself.

My intent is more symbolic, metaphorical, if you will. The other day, I was out digging up and pulling weeds in our flower beds. A back-breaking task that is too easy to keep putting off. I pulled a few thistles out those beds.

But the real thistle crop lives in a pile of wood chips alongside our garage. Yes, I was wearing gloves as I shoveled the ground loose so the thistles would come out easily. But the gloves were thin enough (like “kid gloves” maybe) that I had to be careful pulling the thistles out.

I wasn’t always careful, so the thistle points caught my attention a few times. Until I learned something about thistles I hadn’t paid attention to before: Above ground, the thistles can defend themselves quite well with their sticky points. But below ground, the roots have no stickers!

So I began to use the shovel to expose the roots that I then grabbed to put the thistles in the garbage can. As I enjoyed my new thistle learning, I began to consider the ways that people can be so different on the surface than what they really are deep down.

We live in a social climate in Bonner County that is found most everywhere in our country. It’s a climate where too many people protect themselves — for whatever reasons — by acting all “thistly”, putting others off with harsh, rude, insensitive attitudes and/or statements.

It may happen more obviously with older adults who have physical, cognitive, or many other pressures that just make them cranky. Fold in the current social permission we seem to have to be more disrespectful than in the past, and the crankiness takes on its own life.

But that surface behavior and attitude is often an act of self-protection! Beneath the surface, we may be scared, feel out of control about whatever — including life itself!. We are more vulnerable, more caring even, deep down than we want others to know.

When we let even one person know that, however, it can make a world of difference — to us, to friends or family. Our surface sticker points can either be overlooked (grumpy on the outside, heart-of-gold inside?), or even worn down so the stickers can actually fade away. Joy, patience, compassion, laughter and hope become our companions. The need for stickers disappears. Our deep-down humanity that needs compassion, that wants to give compassion, has a chance to re-appear. And that’s good!

I want to remind you who are tuned into the Geezer Forum in some way: The Geezer Forum is now on Summer Recess! We will reconvene on September 13 to begin our next round of conversations about some aging issues you might have an interest in. Hope to see you in September.

Paul R. Graves, M.Div., is Lead Geezer-in-training for Elder Advocates, a consulting ministry on aging issues. Contact him at 208-61-4971 or elderadvocates@nctv.com.