Passing down words of wisdom & love

SANDPOINT — I first met Robert A. Martin at the church I attend in Sandpoint. I was intrigued by his appearance. He had a definite air of compassion. I thought he might be the great-grandfather of the three young children he and his wife, Laurel, had in tow.

I was a surprised, upon introduction, to learn that these beautiful young children were two of the sons and a daughter of five children living with their mother at Martin’s ranch.

“Are they visiting?” I asked.

“Oh, no. They live with us.” Martin said.

My eyebrows went up. “You’re still doing foster care?” Through conversation I had learned Martin would turn 92 in August, so it seemed to me a valid question.

No, he explained briefly that foster care is a licensed program that financially helps families who qualify and choose to take it on through regulated state funding. They did that for almost 20 years, seven of which were in Idaho when they relocated to the community.

Over the licensed years, they housed and cared for 135 children, short and longer term, coming to them from a wide variety of circumstance.

But one child had a different need. He was a young diabetic who essentially had no family. Taking heart, they gave up the foster care license to become a certified family home, which meant adopting the sick child.

To care for him during the remainder of his life on earth, the Martins chose to change their status to becoming a certified family home. States do not allow a couple to accept funding under both venues. Simple as that: one license or the other. The boy’s obvious need for quality care and a loving family, overrode any reason Martins might have had to remain under the foster care license.

Sadly after a time, the youth died from complications of advanced diabetes, but not alone and not without the support of genuinely loving arms and care in a home that took him in knowing that day would likely come.

“These children,” Martin explained, “and their mother would have been on the street had we not taken them in. We adopted her, so they are like grandchildren to us.”

By virtue of the adoption, Martins no longer receive financial assistance from the state on their behalf. “It’s our bill, and in this case, we’re happy to do it,” he said.

If I seem to edify Martin and his wife for their life choices, it is due them. Can you imagine the number of people in their ever-growing tree of selfless influence they have helped without even knowing many of them?

I can also attest, having written this, that Martin is a man who does not live for recognition. Yet he holds a master’s degree in technology and psychology, which he used to train industrial workers for management at Caterpillar and other companies along the road of life. Still, he carries this selfless air about him.

During the interview, Martin asked me a question: “How many times across the nation do you see young people who, without training, are promoted into management.?” The results he explained are often disastrous because these capable young workers are promoted without any management skills.

“Yeah, we see it all the time,” I replied, not able to hold a number in my knowledge.

He reinforced his stance as, “I don’t need recognition; you know that, don’t you? Neither of us has done this for recognition. I’m just satisfied serving the call of the Lord’s voice on my heart. I couldn’t do it without the Lord.”

And I’ve seen enough of Laurel’s personality to know that she, through the whole course of time has been fully on board with every supporting and sometimes difficult decision they’ve made together.

“What a waste a life would be if it didn’t give back,” he said.

Wow! I took that in. He was right. A waste indeed, I thought without saying. So where and how does one learn about the foster care program in Idaho? Start by contacting the Idaho Health & Welfare agency. They will give you a sequence that looks roughly like this:

First, you will attend an information meeting provided through the agency, which should serve to orient you to the program. That’s what it’s designed to do; that is to make you more aware of what you might be stepping into. If you choose to enter the unknown, you will be directed to a Recruitment Coordinator who will in turn connect to the people and ways of the process set before you.

All that means of course, that you will submit to a thorough background check. They will look even and especially into any possibility of criminal activity in your background. This is about helping children in need. It is set this way to prevent any exploitation of children to gain a meager income. They want people who will truly care for these young victims of circumstance, and there are many out there.

If you pass muster, you will be asked to attend PRIDE, a pre-service training program designed to further equip you for what lies ahead. They’ll teach you what to do, where and how act in handling various situations that statistically arise.

You gain your license as a foster care home once and if you complete your licensing requirements.

Then you are approved to carry a license to help young people in the dire straits of life.

It would be faulty to assume being a foster care parent is an easy skate into a side income. It’s not. Foster children need the love and wisdom some of them have never had.

One of the photos I took of Martin shows him with his youngest foster grandchild cradled on his lap, turning pages with him. That’s the photo on the cover of his book. My photo just shows him holding the book.

It’s his thoughtful repose in poetic pages reminiscing on his learned lessons of being a foster care parent over a very long time. Titled Words of Wisdom & Love — Passing Them Down.” It is a nice collection of private thoughts in poetic presentation. It’s worth wading through; refreshing actually.

I can tell you this, having gotten to know this fine, educated man, I can tell you that his book was intended as a gift-card legacy to the many children along the 20-year path that touched his and Laurel’s life so deeply it’s easily referred to as the fruit of life itself.

You might imagine the number of lives the Martin’s touched in return to be three or four times the 135 children who touched them. Think generations. So it’s a fine legacy to leave a book gift-card like that behind.

When they took on the care of the diabetic young man hey moved their license out of the foster care program into a certified family home status — somewhat different rules, with variations on regulation, perhaps even greater responsibility. You might want to check out that possibility too if your are looking at child care.

And that leaves us with this following quote I give you from from the experientially insightful heart of Robert Martin, “What a waste a life would be if it didn’t give back!”

He makes that statement with a nod and a slight wink. He knows.

How much greater is the fruit borne of love that is graced by wisdom, than the self-made fruit that rots inside from the sickness of selfish? It’s not measurable.

Because they were willing, the Martins now have an abundance of love coming back to them in ever increasing, branching ways.

Maybe that’s the secret to long life, eh, Mr. Martin?

I’ll end by saying, “Thank you, Bob! Thank you for living the last few years of your life in this manner and you, too, Laurel. You are fine folks and you’ve now passed your influence into my heart also. Your selfless sacrificing manner of endless work and caring has taught me much just in a short time. “

I think in retrospect that this kind of selfless life-giving support of others makes for a better community at large, too. Next time you’re in Sandpoint, look out your window, study the people and watch quietly for awhile from a corner. See if you see what I mean:

Martin’s example represents to me the very heart of the North Idaho lifestyle experience. That’s what I’ve come to write.

Dwayne Parsons can be reached at dwaynedailybee@gmail.com.