The importance of helping children dream

Talk about a misread. I saw this headline, “Quentin Tarantino kept a promise he made to mother during a fight to never help her financially.” I interpreted it as his mother wanting to be financially independent, not relying on her son for monetary support — and that despite his objection he had respected her wishes. Wrong.

This man is a highly successful film director, screenwriter, producer, author, film critic, and actor. He has somersaulted into millions with his endeavors. When he was still in elementary school he wrote screenplays instead of doing homework. At twelve he turned out a complete script.

His mother, who was just 16 when he was born, had her own college plans interrupted. She did not like Quentin's lack of effort and academic achievement in his studies. He'd gotten in trouble in school yet again and his mom was on a tirade. Then she delivered the verbal knockout.

“Oh, and by the way, this little 'writing career,' that you're doing? That (expletive) is over.” She demeaned “writing career” with finger quotes.

In an interview, recalling his feelings at the time, Tarantino said, “When she said that to me in that sarcastic way, I was in my head, and I go, 'Okay, lady. When I become a successful writer, you will never see penny one from my success. You get nothing. Because you said that.'”

He added, “There are consequences for your words as you deal with your children, remember there are consequences for your sarcastic tone about what's meaningful to them.”

This is true for any relationship — but perhaps especially impressionable for a child. Personal dreams and talents don't fit somebody else's box. Quentin Tarantino stuck with his dream and made it happen.

But something else stuck — his mother's cutting words. Her doubt, her ridicule, her shredding what he was about likely energized him to prove her wrong. You could say it might even have spurred his success.

I would argue hurt and anger make lousy fuel. The dream might happen, but it's got that sputter — someone you counted on scoffed at it.

A child's heart has no horizon. We “grown ups” have got to be very careful what we drop in that landscape. Not so we'll get “the house, the vacation, the Elvis Cadillac” — everything Quentin told his mother she would not gain from his success. But so — whether successful or not in what they try — whoever is counting on us knows we can see way out there to that dream, too.